I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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