I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
