Soap is not a condiment
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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