through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
