he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
