i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
