Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
