Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
