my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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