I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
