also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
