So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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