I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
