I should be sponsored by Trojan
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Randomize
