I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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