I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
