so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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