Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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