are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My bed smells like the plague
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
