so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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