Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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