I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
