Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
