Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
