they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
