The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
