I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I enjoy the company of your penis
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
