escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
