and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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