Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
