What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
