apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
