My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
