tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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