Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
