Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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