you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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