the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize