Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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