Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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