You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
