What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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