I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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