Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
