I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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