I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
