Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
