Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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