If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
