walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
