Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
