everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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