currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
