Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
