Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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