***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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