I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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