im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
