Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
