i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
