We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
