She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
