Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize