a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Best friends brother. Beat that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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