Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
