i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
