I'm jealous of your bromance
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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