I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
