I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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