oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
