I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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