Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
