hell yes lets make some ravioli
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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