And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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