dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
