Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
