How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
