You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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