What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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